Martha's Secret
by xx.Nicolie.xx
Summary: Why did Martha leave the bay? 5 Chapter Fic. COMPLETED
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer – **I don't own any of these characters. They belong to Channel 7's Home and Away.

**Martha's Secret.**

Chapter 1 

Jack rolled over to the cold, empty space lying beside him. He gently caressed the sheets that a dearly missed person used to occupy.

"I thought this was supposed to get easier." He sighed, dragging himself out of bed and moving into the shower. On his way out, he gave a quick glance to the photo of Martha on his bedside table. He immediately looked away, as if to pretend to himself that he hadn't given in to temptation; hoping that he could forget the face in the photo for at least a few hours. But sadly, he couldn't.

As he drove to work, he stepped on the accelerator slightly harder than he should have, in the hope that the trip to work would finish a lot sooner than it was supposed to. He loved to go to work, not that he hadn't before, but now he had another reason to request extra-time. Work was the only place where he could stay busy and keep his mind off Martha. The only down side, however, was the 10 minute journey to and from the station. The atmosphere in the car was always lonely, boring and empty, just like Jack's life had been in the past few months. He couldn't stand to think about Martha, about why she left him, about why she suddenly fell so out of love with him, and even the loudest of music couldn't drown out these recurring thoughts. A smile appeared on his face when he finally arrived in the station's car park. An official Martha-free zone for his thoughts.

"Morning!" Jack said cheerfully, as he welcomed Constable Fitzgerald to her shift, 2 hours after he had arrived. She closed her eyes and sat down at one of the desks, resting her head in her hands.

"Jack, please, why do you have to be so alert at this time in the morning?" She groaned, moving her head down to lie it on the desk.

"Another late night I see?" Jack laughed, but Lara didn't respond; all she could do was give out a few muffled moans. Jack grinned to himself. "Another late night I see?" He repeated, raising his voice to nearly reach a shout. Lara's angry, pain filled head shot up, as she held her hands to her ears.

"Jack!" She exclaimed, standing up and swatting him with some case files. Jack laughed mischievously.

"Serves you right." He grinned. "Look, here, coffee." He said, offering her the mug that he had been holding in his hand since she had arrived. She smiled at the friendly present and accepted eagerly.

"Thanks Jack." She said between sips of coffee. "What are you doing here this early anyway? Why are you always here? You're always the first to stand up to help out with covering shifts, and you come in super early for your shift!" She said. "Are you trying to make all the rest of us look bad?" She giggled. Jack smiled.

"I could do with the extra cash right now." Jack lied. He knew it wasn't the reason why the station had now become his 2nd home, but this was a Martha-free zone, meaning that any thinking or discussing Martha was strictly off limits.

Later on that shift, Jack and Lara were sent down to the hospital, to do an interview on a recent victim of assault, set at a nightclub in Yabbie Creek. After Jack and Lara had carried out the gruelling task, Lara had persuaded Jack to go in to the mother's section of the hospital, so she could visit her niece in the newly born nursery. Jack didn't need too much persuasion, as he knew that there was a perfect coffee machine in the ward, ready to make him all the steaming hot coffee that he could ever want.

"Aww aren't they so cute!" Lara squealed as she pressed her nose against the window. Jack chuckled.

"Yea, they're alright." He smiled. Lara turned around, shocked.

"Alright! Don't tell me you don't want kids!" Lara exclaimed.

"Yea, I do want them one day. I just need to find the lucky woman with the best looking genes." He smiled. "My son's going to be the best in the playground, the coolest at high school, and the greatest at college." He laughed. "Oh, and the most ass kicking cop too; with the exception of his father of course!" He added cheekily. Lara laughed.

"Wow. You've thought this through I see." She said. "Right, I'm going to go in, and I'll hold my niece, Tia. That way you can see the beautiful angel." She gleamed, almost skipping happily out of sight and into another room, to search for a nurse.

Jack looked back towards the sleeping babies. He laughed as the baby in the cot on the 3rd row down, 5 from the left, began to cry, awakening the other babies within a 2-cot radius. He laughed to himself as he watched the nurses frantically try to quieten the babies, as they feared a ripple effect would sweep through the nursery, causing havoc and mayhem. He enjoyed the last, final sip of his hot drink, and slam-dunked it in the nearest bin. He looked back up through the window to see Lara with the nurse, obviously confused as to which baby was her sweet, innocent niece. Jack chuckled as he checked the change in his pocket.

"I guess I can have another." He smiled to himself, heading for the coffee machine once more.

The door of the ultrasound room 4 was slowly opened by Dr Free, revealing a very upset Martha stood indoors.

"You can come back anytime you like." She told Martha, rubbing her shoulder gently. "You don't have to go through this alone." She added. Martha forced a smile as she walked out the door, allowing Dr Free to shut it behind her. They walked together up the corridor, in silence. Dr Free looked up at Martha during their walk, each time feeling a pain in her heart as she watched the young woman cry. Dr Free couldn't possibly imagine what Martha was going through, and to tell the honest truth, she wouldn't want to; it was a truly awful situation to be in, especially for a young woman such as Martha. When they got to reception, Martha turned around to thank Dr Free, but she just couldn't get her words out. Dr Free understood, and just smiled. "You WILL make a good mother." She said. Martha couldn't help but reach out and hug the caring doctor. She'd been so alone after leaving everyone, abandoning them to be on her own. She thought it was the best thing; she wanted to spare them all the trouble. It wasn't their problem to live with, why should they suffer because of Martha? She loved them all too much to let it affect them, so she had decided that she would handle it on her own, until she had the situation under control. That is, if she ever got it under control, she thought to herself.

After Jack had thanked the robotic machine for the coffee, earning a few stares, he headed back to his space at the window, for the hilarious show he expected to see involving Lara and her search for her niece. A woman, who also seemed to be giggling at the chaotic mess the baby on the 3rd row had caused, had taken Jack's original space. As he walked closer, however, he noticed that the woman was not only giggling, but also crying. Her medium length, brown, straight hair bounced as she snivelled and hiccupped, desperately trying to hide the painful tears. Jack hesitated at first, but then persisted in carrying out his first idea, to comfort the poor woman. He steadily walked over beside her, and placed a hand in one pocket, and raised his cup of coffee up with the other, gently blowing away the hot steam flowing from the surface. Jack could see out of the corner of his eye that the woman had not yet turned to face him; she still had her hands tightly crossed in front of her, as she stared through the glass at the crying babies.

"It was that one, right there, who started it all." He laughed, pressing his finger against the glass. "He's going to be a trouble causer when he's older." Jack smiled, but the woman didn't reply, she remained silent and still. Jack sensed her eyes burning into his skin as he looked at the babies in the nursery. He slowly turned his head to face her, but was shocked when he did.

"Martha?" He exclaimed, his mouth wide open with surprise.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Martha snapped out of her stare.

"Jack!" She exclaimed, swinging her arms around his neck for a hug. She felt tears stream down her cheeks as he gently held her tight, just like he used to do. Jack was caught in the moment, he was so happy to see Martha that he forgot about all of the pain she'd caused him when she walked out of Summer Bay 3 months ago. He was just so pleased to have her back in his arms again, where she belonged. However, their special moment was over quickly, as both of them almost simultaneously let go and stepped away from each other, desperately thinking of an excuse for their behaviour. After a long pause, they were both still bemused as to why they'd so easily forgotten the past few months of heartache, and had so willingly fallen back into each others arms. An awkward moment swept across them, until Jack asked the question that Martha had been dreading.

"Why are you crying?" he asked, taking in her upset expression. "You don't look too good." he added, looking her up and down. He was right; she didn't look good, not up to Martha's usually beautiful standards anyway. She'd drastically changed her hair. It wasn't as natural and beautiful as before, it had obviously been coloured a different shade of brown. It was also cut to her shoulders and straightened, giving her hair no life whatsoever. Her clothes were different from what she used to wear too. They were baggy and shapeless; her top was hanging from her shoulders, giving no definition to the beautiful figure Jack knew and imagined she had underneath. She looked pale and ill; her eyes were bloodshot from the tears that had been exhumed from deep inside her pain. Martha soon realised why Jack was staring at her, and quickly thought of something to say, to try to stop him from studying her messy appearance.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, looking towards the nursery. But she immediately wished she hadn't, as now her tears were re-forming, and as a result of their desperate bid to escape, a single tear trickled down from the corner of her eye. It slipped down her face, catching Jack's attention.

"Martha…" he said weakly, watching helplessly on as Martha began to get upset. "Please, tell me what's up." he begged. She simply looked away, wiping the tears roughly from her damp cheeks. After recollecting her breathing, and controlling her tears, she returned to meet Jack's gaze with two glassy eyes.

"Please, don't." She muttered. Jack sighed.

"Fine, but can we still talk?" Jack asked, wanting to find out what he'd done to force Martha to go away so suddenly. Martha thought for a moment. She'd been so lonely, and an offer like this had not come her way recently. Dr Free had been her only friend these last 3 months, and Martha couldn't help but think that it was merely because of sympathy. A bit of friendly conversation with the man she adored couldn't really cause any problems; as long as she didn't let anything slip...

"Fine." Martha nodded. A wide grin appeared on Jack's face.

"Good." He smiled, staring into her heavenly eyes. Even though her appearance was less than perfect, he still thought that she was the most beautiful woman in the room. Jack realised that he'd been smiling into Martha's eyes for too long and looked away, embarrassed.

"Erm, I'm just going to find Lara. My shift's over now anyway." He said, not making eye contact again, in fear that he wouldn't be able to break it. Martha nodded as he hurriedly walked off, in the direction of where he thought Lara would be. He was both excited and confused. It had been the first time he'd seen her since she had packed her bags and left her friends and family behind. The day had been stained into Jack's mind: the day where she had sent him a text, asking him to meet her on the beach. The day that she had broken up with him. Her only reasoning was that she "simply didn't love him." Jack's heart had ached for days, weeks, months, and was just beginning to mend. He'd never fully understood why she'd so suddenly realised that she didn't love him anymore. They'd been together for a year since the cyclone, and everything had been going great, so great that Jack had been planning to propose. He'd thought that him and Martha were meant to be together till the end, but he had obviously been mistaken.

Jack and Martha sat down in the hospital café, silently waiting for the other to talk.

"Well..?" She said, pushing Jack to begin the conversation. Jack looked at her, and watched her take a drink of water.

"You sure you don't want anything to eat? Muffin? Cake?" He asked, but Martha quickly shook her head.

"No! Thanks." She responded automatically. Jack lifted an eyebrow.

"Okay…" he mumbled. He stared at her for a moment, bringing himself to ask the question that somehow he was both desperate and afraid of finding the answer to. "Why did you go?" he asked through deep breathing. Martha sighed.

"I told you all! I just needed to get out of there, it bored me." she lied. Jack shook his head.

"Firstly, I know that's not true. You love that place; I know you do. And secondly; you loved me. What happened?" He asked. Martha looked at her hands; she couldn't look into his eyes when she was about to tell him a heartbreaking lie.

"Nothing happened, because I never did love you." She stated. Jack reached over for her hands. Her vision travelled up his arm, neck and face to then meet his eyes.

"No, Mac. Tell me the truth." he pleaded. Martha swallowed. She opened her mouth to repeat what she'd said before, but no sound came out.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you never loved me." He said. Martha froze, confirming Jack's thoughts.

"What did I do so wrong Martha?" He asked.

"You did nothing wrong." She mumbled.

"Then why did you leave! Give me the real reason this time…" He ordered.

"Jack, I don't want to bring this back up again." She began.

"But Martha-"

"I want to go back to the bay; to see Tash, Robbie and the others." She said. "I don't need to go with you; I can go on my own if you're going to carry on talking about this." She said. Jack sighed, frustrated and angry. He stood up and tucked his chair in.

"Fine." he said walking out of the door and following her to the car park; where they caught a taxi to the diner.

After Martha had settled in, and had greeted her friends and family, she went to Tasha and Robbie's apartment with Jack. She was so excited to see her best friend; she couldn't believe how much she had missed her these past 3 months. She'd desperately wanted her best friend around, to comfort her, and to cheer her up. But unfortunately Tasha hadn't been able to offer her a shoulder to cry on, as Tasha had never been near to witness Martha's tears.

"MAC!" Tasha screamed, practically jumping on Martha when she saw her at her door.

"Oh, hey hey!" Martha exclaimed, gently prising Tasha off her, and touching her belly. She suddenly felt a bit sick.

"You okay Mac?" Tasha and Jack both looked extremely worried as Martha had now turned very pale, and had both hands on her stomach.

"Yea, just feel a bit queasy, that's all." She said, forcing a smile. Jack looked on as Tasha and Martha happily walked off further into the apartment, giggling and chatting away. He'd decided to ignore Martha's strange behaviour, for now.

Tasha, Martha, Robbie and Jack were all sat in the living room, laughing and joking over empty bottles of beer; reminiscing about old times, and sharing new events that Martha had missed. She was really enjoying herself, spending time with her three best friends was everything she'd longed for during the past few lonely months, and now she was experiencing it in its full glory. She'd occasionally look over at Jack, hoping that he wouldn't be also looking in her direction, but unfortunately he always was. At first, they looked away instantly, embarrassed and confused, but after the third or fourth glance, Jack began to smile in return. Their eyes would lock, and they'd both drift off in their own thoughts, their own worlds that were filled with the happy moments they'd both shared. These wondrous, magical memories were usually interrupted by Robbie and Tasha, who misreading the stares for awkward, hate filled glares, would interrupt using jokes, or just different topics. However, on this occasion, there was another interruption. A baby crying.

"Oh, I'll get her!" Tasha squeaked excitedly. Martha looked around, confused.

"Was that a baby I just heard?" She asked. Jack and Robbie both looked at her concerned.

"Yea, of course. Tasha was pregnant before you left. 8 months pregnant." Robbie reminded her. Martha lifted her hand to her head.

"I'm so stupid." She mumbled. She heard the faint crying grow louder as Tasha carried the baby into the living room. She was soon in view, with the beautiful baby in her arms.

"Meet Michelle." She smiled, holding the precious 2 month old out for Martha to hold. Martha forced a sweet smile, but didn't reach out to hold her; instead she simply rubbed her own belly. She hadn't realised she was doing this; she'd got in to the habit of caressing or stroking her stomach absent-mindedly. Martha stared at the baby; the beautiful, cherub faced baby.

"Martha, are you okay?" Jack asked, putting his hand on her shoulder. Robbie and Tasha were also very concerned about her weird behaviour, but felt it was best not to make too much of a big deal. Martha snapped out of her daydream and sensed the worried look on her three friend's faces. She knew the only thing she could do to avoid suspicion was to blame it on lack of sleep, and hold Michelle. As Tasha passed her child over, Martha could feel the warmth radiating off its skin. The cute, tiny baby was asleep in her arms, only moving to fidget with her hands, or wiggle her toes. Martha giggled as she sat down with the baby, and held Michelle's hand tight.

"How small is her hand? It's teeny-weeny!" Martha laughed, rubbing Michelle's cheek. "Oh! And look at them cute itsy feet! Aren't they just adorable!" She laughed, stroking the tiny feet that were on the end of Michelle's chubby little legs. Jack, Tasha and Robbie all watched on as Martha bonded with Michelle. Jack loved to watch Martha smile, at least this way Martha wasn't looking up at him, making Jack feel both stupid and embarrassed that he'd been caught in the act of admiring her.

"You like her then?" Tasha smiled. Martha laughed.

"Like her! I love her! When I have a baby I…" Martha's sentence drifted off, her face instantly changing emotion. Martha's eyes began to fill up, and she could feel her throat aching as she tried to hold back the tears. She stood up with Michelle, and passed her over to Tasha. "I'm sorry." She excused herself, running to the bathroom. A moment of confused looks passed between Robbie, Tasha and Jack, and then Jack followed Martha to the bathroom. He knocked on the door.

"Martha, are you okay?" He asked, but he could hear her heaves from outside the door, giving the obvious answer. "Would you like a glass of water?" He offered.

"Please!" She managed to call out. Jack turned around to Robbie, who had already brought the glass of water.

"You're going to have to unlock the door first Martha." Jack called in. He heard Martha rush to the door and quickly unlock it, and then hurry back to the toilet.

"Just you Jack." She said. Jack closed the door quickly behind him, on a very worried Robbie and Tasha.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"I'm…so…sorry." Martha wept, sitting beside the toilet.  
"It's okay." Jack smiled, rubbing her back. "Everyone has their off days." he said, trying to make her feel better. Martha took another sip of water.  
"Yea, that's what it is." She mumbled to herself.  
"What?" Jack asked, picking up on her last sentence. Martha looked up surprised. She hadn't expected him to hear that.  
"Oh, nothing. Just me talking to myself." She said, covering her lying face by raising the glass of water up to her mouth. Jack nodded, not entirely convinced.  
"You feeling better now?" He asked her. She shook her head.  
"No. Not really." She sighed; resting back against the bath.  
"No, you don't look it either." He commented.  
"Thanks for the boost of confidence, Jack." She said sarcastically. Jack laughed.

"Martha, you can sleep in our room tonight. The one with the ensuite." Tasha suggested through the locked door.  
"Hey, I don't want her chucking up in my bed!" Robbie exclaimed. Jack and Martha laughed at the sound of Robbie being winded, they assumed by Tasha's elbow.  
"That'd be great, thanks." Martha answered. Jack looked at his watch.  
"Well, I best be getting off too, it's 2 o'clock!" Jack said, reading his watch. "You've been chucking up for an hour. Well done Martha!" He joked, patting her on the back.  
"I'm sorry." She apologized, again. Jack laughed.  
"Don't be silly, it's not your fault!" He smiled. Martha watched as he stood up.  
"Do you have to go?" She blurted out. She didn't know why she said it, she was just as shocked as Jack at her outburst, but she knew that she wouldn't take it back, even if she could. Jack bent back down.  
"You want me to stay?" He asked, crouched beside her. Martha smiled.  
"Yea. You've made me smile, and I really thought that was impossible whilst being sick…" She joked. Jack stood up and poked his head out through the door behind him.  
"Hey, Tash, is it okay if I sleep on the sofa tonight?" Jack asked.  
"Yea, sure. I'll set it up, then we're going off to bed." She smiled.  
"Thanks Tash. Night!" He said, closing the door slowly.  
"Thank you!" Martha called out. Jack sat next to her, leaning against the bath. He brought his knees near his chest and sighed.  
"Looks like we're all having a sleepover." Jack laughed. Martha smiled.  
"Jack, thank you for sitting with me like this, for staying. I know it can't be the nicest job ever." Martha said.  
"Why do you want me to stay anyway? Not that I don't want to or anything. Sitting by you throwing up is right up there my list of 'most fun things to do.'" They laughed.  
"I don't know. I guess you make it almost bearable." She smiled. "It's been so hard doing this on my own; there's no one around to hold my hair back, or rub my back, or pass me the water, or to try and make me feel better." Martha smiled, but Jack didn't return the expression.  
"What? You're normally sick?" He asked, worried. Martha froze. She hadn't meant to let that out.  
"I.. um… well…" She began, stuttering as she thought of whatever she could to get her way out of this. She began to panic as she saw Jack was getting more convinced by the second that something was wrong with her.  
"Are you being sick regularly Mac?" He asked, placing his hand on her knee. She continued to stutter until she felt queasy. She dived for the toilet, luckily avoiding anymore of Jack's questions.

"You just shout if you need me, okay?" Jack asked, rubbing his hand up and down Martha's arm. She nodded slowly.  
"Thanks Jack." She said. Her eyes began to fill with tears. If only she had stayed with him, then he could have been there just like he was tonight, by her side whilst she was suffering. He might have been able to make everything a little bit better, a little bit easier.  
"Hey, what's up?" He asked, reacting to her watery eyes. She couldn't speak; all she could do was reach out and hug him. She closed her eyes as she held on tight, finally getting the support that she needed, the help that she needed, and the love that she needed. Jack didn't want to let go of her; he'd done it before and she'd run away from him, leaving him to believe that she'd never return. Unfortunately, he wasn't prepared to make a fool out of himself, and allowed her to pull away and leave to go to her room for the night.  
"Good night." She said as she forced a smile, and slowly closed the bedroom door.  
"Night." He replied smiling. He watched the door click shut, and then he allowed himself to release the confusion, tension and happiness that had built up inside of him. He snuggled down on the sofa, heading for an uncomfortable night.

The next morning, Jack, Tasha and Robbie were in the kitchen, together, talking about the previous night. Robbie was making breakfast, and Tasha was feeding Michelle.  
"Was it just me, or was Martha acting a bit… strange?" Robbie eventually spoke up, saying what everyone else was thinking.  
"Yea." Jack and Tasha said in unison.  
"When I first hugged her, she almost protected her stomach, and then when she saw Michelle she started to rub it too." Tasha said.  
"Wow, she did act weird when she saw Michelle though, didn't she? At first she looked fine with her, but then she said something, and mid way through she got a bit upset and ran off to the loo!" Robbie said. "Didn't she say something like 'When I have a baby I…'?" Jack looked up from the fork he'd been fiddling with.  
"Yea! That was it!" He said. "She said something strange to me in the bathroom too, she made it sound as if last night wasn't the first time she'd been sick recently. Like it happens regularly now." Jack said. Tasha stared at Michelle for a moment.  
"I hope she's okay." Tasha muttered. Robbie and Jack both nodded.  
"Yea, me too." Robbie agreed. Just then, they heard the sound of Martha opening and slamming the ensuite door. Jack stood up and got a glass out the cupboard. He filled the glass with water and began to walk to Tasha and Robbie's bedroom, but before he got to the door, he heard Martha shout: "Don't come in! I'm fine!" Jack obeyed her orders and sat back down at the table; puzzled by her decline of help after everything she had said last night.  
"Sounds just like Tasha when she was suffering morning sickness." Robbie teased. However, the idea of a simple joke escalated, giving Tasha an idea.  
"Oh my God. Could she be pregnant?" This grabbed both Jack and Robbie's attention.  
"What?" Jack exclaimed.  
"She left us all suddenly, because she's pregnant! That's got to be the reason!" Tasha said loudly.  
"Hang on, why has it got to be the reason?" Robbie asked, abandoning the breakfast.  
"Well, say she found out she was pregnant, and thought that Jack wouldn't want the baby just yet. So, she leaves, unable to bring herself to tell anyone, thinking it's best for Jack, and tries to find a way to bring the baby up by herself. But then Jack sees her at the hospital-"  
"Oh my God she was in the mother ward! Where the ultrasounds are done! She was looking at the babies, and looked really upset!" Jack burst out. Tasha nodded.  
"Right, so when she comes back here, and I jump on her, she's going to be worried about her baby's safety, so tries to stop me from hanging all over her, just in case I knock her belly or something. Then when Michelle came out it'd remind her of her baby, and then she might have just automatically touched her belly, without thinking. I bet it's really scary having to prepare yourself for being a single mother. So she'll be really worried about it. So worried, that she's making herself sick over it! Then this morning, she's got morning sickness - something that comes every morning!" Tasha exclaimed! Jack and Robbie sat in utter silence.  
"You must have noticed her clothes; they're very baggy. I wouldn't know if she had a bump under there or not, would you?" Tasha asked. Robbie and Jack slowly shook their heads.  
"Oh my God Tasha. You're right." He said, getting up and storming over to the room where Martha was.

"I can't believe you!" Jack shouted at Martha, who was now curled up in bed.  
"What? Didn't I tell you not to come in?" She reminded him, but he ignored her.  
"Why didn't you tell me that you were pregnant?" He demanded. Martha looked up at him, shocked and confused. She began to cry, tears silently slipping down her cheek. "Why the hell are you crying? Because I've found out? Don't you think that I'd like to have something to do with my kid?" Jack shouted. Tasha and Robbie ran in, and automatically tried to calm Jack down. He leant against the wall, where they'd ushered him. Robbie stood next to Jack, talking to him, trying to keep his anger down, whilst Tasha sat on the bed, next to a tearful Martha. Jack stared at Martha as she hugged Tasha, her tears rolling onto Tasha's top. "It's not mine- is it?" He asked, Martha let go of Tasha and looked up at Jack's hurt face. "You cheated on me. That's why you left. That's why you suddenly fell out of love with me. You'd found someone else." He pushed himself away from Robbie and the wall. "Who is he then? Where is he now? Has he left you now he knocked you up?" Jack shouted angrily. Martha didn't answer; she just had streams of tears leaving track marks down her face. He stared at her for a moment, his heart breaking as he thought of her betrayal. He really loved her, and she'd cheated on him! He'd been thinking of her the last few months, missing her, wondering what he'd done wrong, when it was her who killed the relationship. He couldn't stand being in the same room as her anymore, it was not only building up his fury but also forcing him to invent questions that he didn't want to think of, so he spun around and stormed out the door.

"Is it true?" Robbie asked a shocked and hurt Martha.  
"Can you get Jack please?" Martha asked, ignoring his question, but Robbie stood persistent.  
"Did you cheat on Jack? Are you pregnant?" Robbie repeated, raising his voice. Martha winced at the word pregnant, it sent shivers up her spine to her brain, and then to her eyes, filling them with tears.  
"NOW ROBBIE!" She screamed. Robbie nodded as he stepped backwards towards the door, clearly scared from her outburst. Martha sighed as she wiped away another couple of tears. 'I'm going to have to tell them all now.' The realisation hit her.

**Preview** - Martha finally shares the details of the reason for why she left the bay. How will everyone react?


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4-The Truth

"Hey! Jack!" Robbie said, running over to Jack. Jack was outside the apartment block, staring out towards the sea.

"How could she do it? Why would she do it?" Jack asked slowly, his arms folded across his chest.

"I don't know Jack, but don't get yourself too worked up about it; she hasn't actually admitted to anything." Robbie reminded him; Jack turned his head sharply to face his caring friend.

"She hasn't denied it either." He spat out. Robbie tilted his head to one side.

"True." He agreed. "But still, she wants to talk to you." finished Robbie. Jack shook his head in disbelief.

"Yes of course! And I'll just go running up there and do as she says!" Jack said sarcastically.

"What do you want?" Jack asked; walking in sulkily with his arms crossed. Robbie followed, looking proud of himself for making Jack see sense. Martha was sat up on the bed; she'd stopped crying now, and was forcing a smile. She indicated for Robbie and Jack to sit with herself and Tasha. Robbie smiled as he jumped on, sending bounces through the bed. Tasha giggled as her body was forced up and down. All eyes were now on Jack, who had stepped back to lean on the wall.

"Please Jack." She said quietly, tapping the space next to her on the bed. She looked so disappointed that Jack hadn't sat down; she could see that he didn't want to be in the same room as her, let alone sat on the same bed. Her upset face made Jack feel miserable, so he gave in, and slowly took a seat next to her on the bed. However, as soon as he was sitting he shuffled to the edge, as far away from her as he could get without falling off. But Martha didn't mind, she could understand, after all, he thought she had cheated, she could hardly blame him.

"Right, Jack, I didn't cheat on you." She said, looking at him. "I would NEVER do that, I love you too much." She smiled. Jack looked up, he tried to fight the smile that was creeping onto his face, and with a sharp adjustment, and a stubborn nature, began to raise his voice again.

"So it's mine then? And you didn't tell me?" He said loudly. Martha shook her head, making Jack, Robbie and Tasha completely confused. Martha looked down at her hands.

"I'm not pregnant." She declared, her eyes started to fill up. "And I never will be." Tasha, Robbie and Jack were even more confused, but were saddened by Martha's clearly upset face.

"What… what do you mean?" Jack asked quietly, fearing the answer. It wasn't going to be good, it wasn't going to be happy, it was going to be extremely upsetting, he could see that. Every second Martha hesitated made the answer 'No, I did cheat on you' more appealing; he was getting scared.

"I… I…" She began, but broke into a flood of tears. Robbie, Tasha and Jack would have normally swept her up in their arms, however they couldn't move, as they were rigid with fear.

"Martha, what is it?" Tasha asked tearfully. She hated to see her friend like this. Martha was shaking and crying, and nervously fiddling with her fingers. After looking at each of them, Martha returned her gaze to the bed, and then raised her hand. Robbie, Tasha and Jack watched on eagerly as Martha slowly elevated her hand. She rested it on her head, and then pulled slowly downwards, releasing a small cry. Her hair came unattached with her hand. Jack, Tasha and Robbie sat in shock as they gawked at her shaven head before them. Martha continued to stare at the quilt folds on the bed in front of her. "Ovarian Cancer." She stated. Tears were running down her cheeks. Silence filled the room, among the tears, sadness and shock felt by the three friends.

"Martha…" Jack let out, reaching out and hugging her. He moved to be right beside her, to hug her tight. He could feel wet tears on his neck, slowly rolling down underneath his shirt. He held her tight; an affectionate embrace was all he could do to help. If Martha needed anything for him, he'd do it. He had saved Martha on that eventful, frightening day with Corey. He had then battled with her to help her get over him, to help her be unafraid. He had refused to give up; he had persisted through days of failures and frustrations, just to result in the finishing, beautiful result of a happy Martha. Jack would do anything for her; that's why it pained him when he could do nothing. He wanted to cure her, to save her from this sadness, but he couldn't. This led him onto his next question.

"How serious is it?" He asked carefully, finally pulling away. Martha continued to cry, and struggled to speak.

"I'm having chemo now; I just came out of hospital again and that's why you saw me there." Martha managed to say, before leaning over to the bedside table and taking a tissue. She handed one to Tasha and smiled. "Here." She wiggled the tissue around in front of Tasha's face, and she let out a little laugh.

"I'm so sorry Martha." She said, wiping her face. "Look at me!" Tasha laughed, gesturing to her tears. "You're not blubbering stupidly like I am, and you're the one with…" Tasha drifted off, not wanting to say it.

"Cancer." Martha finished her sentence. "I've cried too much over it, I'm beginning to come to terms with it, but this is new for you. So I understand." She smiled. She looked at Robbie.

"Mac." He began, but he didn't know where to start. "It's not fair." He said finally. Martha smiled; that's all she could do.

"I know." She nodded.

"So that's why you left?" Robbie asked, still deeply upset about the horrible situation that Martha was in.

"Yea. I didn't want you guys to suffer. It was bad enough me having to cope with it, but all of you lot. I wouldn't be able to watch you go through it." Martha said.

"But Martha, we could have helped you through it! Instead, you had no friends for comfort." Tasha said. Martha hung her head.

"Well just seeing you guys now, I can see that maybe I made the right decision, what would you have been like when I had the operation? Or every time I had the chemo. Yesterday was my last cycle, well, hopefully." Martha smiled, yet again. It was obvious why she was smiling; to make her friends feel better. She didn't really feel like smiling, what was there to smile about?

"How did you find out then?" Tasha asked. Martha sighed.

"Well, I found the lump about a week before I left. I got a bit worried, and went to the doctors, who confirmed my fears. He booked an urgent operation to take it out. That's when I began to panic. I was going to tell you all, but I couldn't bring myself to. I didn't want to see your faces, your tears, so I didn't tell you. I left the bay, had the operation, and moved to a B&B." Martha explained. Robbie and Tasha nodded.

"So when you'd been diagnosed with cancer, you went and lived in a B&B, with no one around to look after you or to help you through it?" Robbie asked. Martha nodded sheepishly.

"Yea." She sighed. Jack, who hadn't spoke a word for about 15 minutes now wiped his face, and stood up from the bed.

"I'm sorry." He said, quickly before leaving the room. Martha watched him leave, her heart pumping furiously. She stood up and followed, leaving Robbie and Tasha upset on the bed, comforting each other.

Jack was staring out at the sea again, from outside Robbie and Tasha's apartment block. Martha walked up from behind him, and stood next to him. Jack quickly wiped his face and sniffed.

"Are you crying?" Martha asked. Jack continued brushing his tears away, as if he was ashamed. He turned around to face Martha, all glassy eyed.

"Why didn't you tell me? It must have been so lonely for you, so horrible. You didn't have to do it alone Martha! I would have wanted to be with you." Jack said. Martha's eyes began to fill up.

"But Jack, I didn't want this to happen! Look how upset you are, I can't stand it. I hate seeing you like this, it makes me feel sick to the stomach thinking that I caused your pain." Martha said, wiping away her tears. Jack shook his head.

"No. Martha. Don't feel like that. Of course I'm going to be upset, I love you. I can't bear thinking that you're so ill, and that I can do nothing to help. Then what if you don't get better? What if the cancer doesn't go away? I can't live without you Martha. I tried for 3 months, and they were the worst 3 in my life. But if I knew you weren't coming back, I'd have nothing to live for." Jack said. Martha lifted her finger to his lips.

"No, no. You can't think like that, Jack. If I thought about all the negatives, I'd never stop crying. We have to hope that it's worked, that's the best we can do." Martha said. Jack nodded.

"Yea, sorry." Jack apologized.

"It's fine." She said softly. A smile grew on Martha's face. "You love me?" She asked suddenly, reminding him of what he just said. His face turned white. 'Oh damn it.' He thought, as he tried to come up with an excuse.

"Um, well… I…" he stuttered, earning a laugh from Martha.

"I love you too Jack." She laughed. A huge grin appeared on Jack's face. He'd missed her these last few months, but now everything seemed to be changing. Some for good, and some for bad. Martha smiled at him, this was going to be a lot easier with Jack around, she just had to make sure he didn't get hurt. After a few moments staring at each other, they couldn't bear to be apart any longer, and both leant in for a passionate kiss. She was already feeling a lot better, just by getting back together with Jack.

Jack and Martha were walking along the beach, hand in hand, discussing what had gone off with her for the last few months.

"So you can't have kids?" Jack asked. Martha shook her head.

"No. I can't." She answered quietly. "Well, not the normal way…" Martha said.

"What do you mean?" Jack asked, confused.

"I chose to freeze my eggs." Martha declared. Jack nodded.

"Oh right, so that's better then." He gleamed, squeezing her hand tight. "That gives you the option to have kids in the future, doesn't it!" He pointed out. Martha stopped walking.

"But, I'd like them now." She said gently, staring in Jack's eyes. At first, Jack was confused, but then he slowly began to realise what she was implying.

"Um, well, we're in our early 20's Martha!" Jack said. "It's not that I don't want kids, because I do, but don't you think we're a bit young?" he asked. Martha shook her head.

"If anything, this cancer has shown me that life's too short, and that when I'm ready for anything, I should do it, because no one knows if tomorrow will come." Martha said wisely. Jack looked into her eyes. He could see that she wanted it so much, and that she felt passionately about it.

"Well," he began, pulling her arm so she'd walk along with him. "Don't you think it's a bit soon for us? I mean, we've just got back together, and you're talking about kids." Jack laughed. Martha tilted her head to one side.

"Awww, is Jack scared?" She teased. He laughed.

"No! I just, think it's weird that's all. And also very flattering." He smiled. Martha looked confused.

"Why do you say that then?" She asked, Jack grinned again.

"Because you're planning the rest of your life; with me." He said. Martha blushed.

"Well, I do love you, and I can't imagine being with anyone else." She said. "Please don't freak out." She added quickly. Jack laughed and stopped walking, pulling her gently by both arms.

"I'm not going to freak out." He said, planting a soft kiss on her lips. "Because I love you, and I can't imagine being with anyone else other than you. Even when we're old, I want it to be you that I'm with. I want you to be the one that shares my first house. I want you to be the one that helps me kill the kid after its first parents evening. And I want you to be the one who is the mother of my child." He said. Martha smiled.

"So, you'll have a baby with me?" She asked hopefully. Jack nodded his head.

"Yes." He said. Martha jumped up on him.

"Oh thank you thank you thank you!" She screamed. Jack laughed as he picked her up, and flung her over his shoulder. "Jack put me down!" She squealed, as he ran splashing into the sea with her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Jack looked down at his son, fast asleep in the cot. He smiled as he watched him peacefully sleeping, reminding him so much of Martha. He had Martha's eyes, the best part Jack loved about her. He also had Martha's nose and ears, which looked so cute on Jack's handsome little man. Jack smiled as he pulled up a chair and leant his arm on the top of the cot's tall side, dangling his hand above the baby.  
"You okay Matt?" Jack asked, gently stroking his head. "Can I get you a beer or something?" He laughed. Jack rested his head against the bars, and stared in the cot at Matt. After what seemed like ages, he eventually left Matt in the cot, and exited his room, leaving one baby monitor next to Matt's side, and the other clipped onto his belt. He also left the door open, just in case the batteries that he changed hourly were faulty. Jack walked into the kitchen to find Tony and Lucas, talking quietly. They'd learnt their lesson from raising their voices to a normal volume, because Jack had scolded them numerous times.  
"Is the little tyke asleep?" Tony smiled. Jack nodded.  
"Like a baby!" He laughed.  
"How many weeks old now?" Lucas asked.  
"8." Jack smiled proudly. Tony walked over to Jack and patted him on the shoulder.  
"You enjoy every minute of it mate, it only goes downhill after they learn to talk." Everyone laughed.  
"Well, I'm going to go for a walk with him in the stroller." Jack said.  
"Do you want me to come?" Tony asked. Jack shook his head.  
"Nah, I'll be fine on my own." He said, forcing a smile. He took the final sip of his beer and went in search for the stroller.

Jack pushed Matt along the path, stretched across the top of the long beach. He walked along, and eventually reached a secluded spot on the end, with a section shaded by trees. He walked up the path submerged in the shade, and followed the turn in direction, leading to a park. It was a piece of land that Alf owned, beautifully located opposite the beach, and filled with the most beautiful flowers you could imagine. Jack walked up to a bench, and parked Matt's pushchair beside it as he sat down. He rocked the stroller gently backwards and forwards, as he looked at his baby son. Jack's eyes then moved from the sleeping baby to the rock stood by the tree. Jack leant down and reached underneath Matt's seat, into the basket. A bunch of flowers were rested inside, the brightly coloured petals on the flowers were poking out. Jack then looked back down at the stone, whilst placing the flowers by his side.  
"I brought Matt again." He began. "I think he likes it here." Jack said, talking to the large stone. "He's a great kid; he's not a moaner like the other ones in the hospital." Jack laughed. "You should have been there, you'd have laughed too at the other baby's pathetic cry, that constantly rung from their throats!" Jack exclaimed. "Now when Matt cried, his was the loudest, best scream out of all of them! Theirs were like little whimpers compared to Matt's huge cry!" Jack boasted. "Not that he cried a lot; my lad is tough and isn't a sissy, he doesn't cry at anything. Like his father." Jack grinned. He leant down to the headstone and swept away the dead flowers, replacing them with the fresh ones he'd brought. He sighed as he rested the dying ones in the basket underneath Matt. Jack then picked Matt up out of the stroller, and laid him in his arms. He then retired back to the bench to look at the grave before him.

"Everyone's been great. They're really helping me get through this, but no one more than my dad. He understands what I'm going through, because he went through the same when Mum died." Jack sighed. "I now understand what he meant when he said he couldn't have done it without me or Lucas." Jack said. "If I didn't have Matt, I don't know what I would have done. I'd have no one to live for; no one would need me. But now, Matt needs me. He needs a parent, and he's already lost a mum so I can't let him lose a dad too."

Jack stared towards Matt, a look of guilt swept across his face.  
"I have to admit, when we found out that the cancer had returned, I didn't want to proceed with the baby - I was planning to ask Tasha to cancel the appointment. I just didn't want to face it without you; I didn't think I could do it without you. And I also thought it'd be too painful. But when I saw your face, and how persistent you were to continue with the IVF; I couldn't say no. I now know why you did it; it was to keep me going. So well done Mac, it worked!" Jack chuckled. "I hate to think what I'd have done if I didn't have him to live for." Jack added, in a serious whisper.

He kissed Matt on the forehead and placed him back in the stroller. He stared down at the disturbed earth, the earth that was beginning to produce blades of grass, further covering up the coffin that lay 6 feet underneath.  
"I can't stop thinking about the day you went. You fought so hard." Jack said. "You were holding onto my hand so tightly that my knuckles stayed white for days. As if you were still gripping." Jack sighed. "I can still feel the tight grip; like it's fresh." He added, caressing his hand. "I think that's what made it worse; knowing that you desperately didn't want to go. I know how much you wanted to see Matt, and it was so unfair for you to leave a few weeks before he came. I wish you could see him now; you would adore him, I know you would. You'd have been a great mum to him." Jack sighed. "I'll make sure he knows everything about you; don't worry." He added.

"I miss you so much." He began, "I'm trying to get through this, but it's so hard. I just want to see you, I just want to talk to you and get a response, rather than a cool breeze." Jack said. "I want to hold you again, I want to do a real, over the top gesture that'll make you laugh, that'll make you smile. I want to tell you in the cheesiest way possible that I love you. But I can't; because you're gone." He said; his eyes were starting to form tears. "God I miss you." He chuckled, wiping a tear from under his watery eye. "I always knew I'd miss you, from the day at the hospital, when you were diagnosed with that damn cancer again. I knew it would be hard; but nothing could prepare me for this." He swallowed, trying to hold the tears from seeping out of his eyes. "It's like… well… the silly little things. They're the worst. I know it sounds stupid, and you're probably laughing at me now, but I just miss the things you used to do." Jack paused for a moment, smiling to himself as he thought about Martha in his head. "Like… when you worked at the bar. During my breaks, I'd pop in, knowing you'd be there. Sometimes I'd act surprised, like I didn't think you were working. I don't know why, maybe it was because I didn't want you to realise just how obsessed I was about you; but you probably knew that anyway." He chuckled. "I could just watch you, serving the customers, having a laugh, or just daydreaming. Being Martha. You looked so radiant, so beautiful. I would watch you and feel like the luckiest guy on earth, because you were mine." Jack's smile began to fade. "But now when I go in, I see Alf. Not that he isn't as beautiful…" Jack laughed. "It's weird to go into Noah's now, and not see you working, behind the bar. It's like I expect to see you there; so when I don't, I'm reminded of the fact that you'll never be cleaning that bar again." Jack's voice trailed off as his breathing grew heavier.

He looked at his watch. "I hate leaving you." He blurted out. "I hate having to walk away down that path; away from you. I guess it's because I know you won't be calling out, shouting me back, or even running after me. You'll just be here, awaiting my next visit." Jack said; his tears were beginning to creep back. "But, there'll always be a next visit. I'll always be coming here Martha; I'll never forget. This is the one place where Matt and I can come, and truly focus on you. I can talk to you this way, right here on the bench, and I don't know why, but being here makes me feel as if you can hear me. You might not be able to. You might just be in a never-ending dream; or you might be watching over us. I guess I'll find out in quite a few years… but I know I'll see you someday again. I just know it. And then I can tell you that I love you, just one more time. I can hold you again, and I can talk to you, and receive an answer. But until that day comes, I'll keep visiting here, and keeping you company." Jack whispered weakly, his voice was rapidly deteriorating as his tears were starting to trickle down his face. He stood up and faced the gravestone.  
"Goodbye Martha." He said, shielding his tears with a smile, and turning around to face the stroller. He pushed it slowly; not looking back. He knew that if he did, then the force would just pull him right back to the bench, by Martha's side.


End file.
